Many of us are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. When we make a mistake or feel low, the inner critic can be harsh. Self-compassion is the practice of turning a supportive, understanding voice toward ourselves especially when things are difficult. It’s linked to less anxiety and depression, more resilience, and a calmer relationship with our own mind. Here’s how to grow it in daily life.
Notice the critic
Start by recognising when you’re being hard on yourself. Do you call yourself names, compare yourself to others, or assume you “should” be further along? Simply noticing “I’m being very critical right now” creates a pause. You’re not trying to delete the thought; you’re seeing it as a pattern rather than the truth.
Ask: “What would I say to a friend?”
If a close friend were in your situation same mistake, same setback what would you say? We’re often gentler and more realistic with them. Try writing or saying those same words to yourself. It can feel odd at first, but it rewires the habit of defaulting to blame.
Use a simple phrase
Research by Kristin Neff and others highlights three elements: mindfulness (noticing the pain), common humanity (knowing others struggle too), and self-kindness. You can weave these into a short phrase: “This is a hard moment. Lots of people feel this way. May I be kind to myself.” Say it when you’re stressed, after a setback, or when you notice you’re judging yourself.
Build it into your routine
Self-compassion grows with practice. You might:
- Put a reminder on your phone to pause and breathe when you notice stress.
- End the day by naming one thing you did okay, even if it was small.
- When you notice the critic, literally put a hand on your heart and say your phrase.
It’s not about bypassing difficulty or pretending everything is fine. It’s about meeting your own struggle with the same care you’d offer someone you love. Over time, that becomes a reliable inner resource.